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Dungeons & Dating How Have Romantic Relationships Affected Your Tabletop RPG Gaming Group

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Nerdarchy the News Letter- http://nerdarchy.com/NewsLetter Dungeons & Dating How Have Romantic Relationships Affected Your Tabletop RPG Gaming Group Ever have a relationship come between your tabletop rpg group? It doesn't matter if you are playing Fate, dungeons and dragons, Pathfinder, Mutants and Masterminds, World of Darkness, or even Numenera this can be a problem for any gaming group. We'd love to hear the experiences of other gamers. Whether it's causing problems with the players or perhaps the dungeon master is in a relationship with one of the gamers at the table or even a non-gaming significant other that runs interference a player in the game. Please Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe! Find Us On Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/Nerdarchy Or At Nerdarchy.com- http://nerdarchy.com/
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Text Comments (38)
Elso (3 months ago)
I used to say dungeons and dragons is the most fun you can have with your pants on... Then I discovered playing online
TheNightmare JCK (5 months ago)
My best friend was an awesome Player (in D&D) and he brought his girlfriend along for a session were i was DMing and his Girlfriend was a better Role-player than him 😂
Alexandra Elizabeth (11 months ago)
I've actually had a few friends who dated non-gamer guys... Unfortunately they all gave up gaming for the most part I'm in a poly Triad (FFM) and I met both of my partners through gaming, my boyfriend actually runs a D&D game that my girlfriend and I are both in :) it's a fun way to spend time together, and it's a common interest we all share
Micaiah Burnett (1 year ago)
I game with a group of college students/graduates, and the number one reason people have stopped playing with us has been because of getting a girlfriend. My girlfriend turned wife has always been fine with me playing and joins us at the table (I do my very best to not be biased in her favor, and the players only sometimes tease me about it), but we've had at least one person leave due to time and at least one leave because he didn't think she'd like it. I just make time to talk to them and let them know that I don't hate them for leaving, and they usually feel really surprised that I'm not offended that they can't make time. Two years and 20 or so players later, I think we're doing quite okay actually.
I Ekberg (2 years ago)
I'm DMing a session rn and a couple days after i tell my girlfriend that i play this thing called Dungeons and Dragons she comes to me and tells me she wants to try it out. I have no clue what to tell her! I don't really want her in my game because i would end up thinking about the personal narrative path of her character more than those of the other players. Besides, if she did die i don't know if she would take it personally (this is a fairly new relationship, and I don't have a good read on that yet)
Luke Carroll (1 year ago)
I Ekberg just relax, let her play the game if you really think she couldn't handle it you can fudge a roll or two, but you should relax and trust her not to break up with you because she died in a game... that's messed up and I'd she did break up over that it would be saving your time.
Nyt Shade (2 years ago)
Yes! There are women gamers whose partners don't game. The more I listen to this the more I think there's a sound basis for an essay of material, or maybe a whole book, or collection of boring books about the psychology of relationships. The truth is that a lot of people, men and women, do not understand tabletop gaming. I brought my husband to a game when we first started dating. He hated it. And because of that I gave up gaming for 20 years. Circumstances brought me back to gaming and I decided that I didn't want to let him be the reason that I gave up, again, something that I wanted in my life. This has not always been a peaceful topic for us. And I think that must be the same for anyone when they discuss gaming with their significant non-gamer others. I would recommend to anyone entering a relationship where you have to give up a part of yourself for the other person to consider carefully what you gain and what you give up. And isn't it important that the person you want to spend so much of your life with accepts you for who you are. There's a lot of gaming that I still don't participate in. I game one night a week and return home by midnight, so as to not become a pumpkin. Yes, I still have a ways to go to recover all that I gave up. Maybe someday I'll get to go to a convention. My DM brought this webcast to my attention. I know one other woman who is a gamer and her boyfriend (at the time) didn't get along with our group. Eventually she married him and they have a son. I have not talked to her in years so I can not say for sure if she is still gaming or not. Is the situation different depending on gender? That's another essay. Be a proud gamer. Stand up for yourself and your imagination. When you quote a movie your significant other should be able to understand you. When you roll a natural 20 they should cheer for you. And when you come home bloody and beaten they should give you comfort, a decent healing potion, and a full rest.
Oni15 (2 years ago)
Hey guys another great discussion and video. I understand this topic all too much. I myself married a gamer. She is a wonderful wife, the only problem is I wish she was a little more girly at some times. I want to buy something nice for her for birthday or xmas, and what does she was a steam gift card, or another gift card to get board games or other gaming related materials. We have run a couple different table top games, and she is a wonderful gamer, and she recently ran a one shot D&D 5E game for me, since I normally DM. She ran the game completely ad-lib and she did a great job. As far as gaming with your partner or spouse it can be difficult especially if the other person tries making suggestions on how you should run your character and or game. I found when I was the DM I specifically tried not to target my wife outright in combat situations even though she liked to play mainly Healer or support type characters which are very important to the party.
Oni15 (2 years ago)
On the other hand guys, another issue I came across when gaming is making sure not to show favoritism. For example giving out bonus experience, or making sure that there is a chest or special drop hidden in the dungeon that is specifically tailored for your wife's character. I do have to say I miss my older group that I use to game with. We use to game all night, from 7 pm on Saturday to 5 am Sunday morning sometimes. When you are married and have a small child that style of roleplaying just doesn't fit in as easily. Anyways thanks for listening to the rambling. Nate, I agree that there are those times which you need to have separate hobbies from the significant other.
Grant Kress (2 years ago)
I am a DM over three campaigns that my wife is graciously playing in! I have to help her out with leveling up and reminding her about her character's background, but she enjoys the time hanging out with the gaming group.
Ora Magnell (2 years ago)
In my experience its good to at least try to keep it separate. My first serious girlfriend was in my first serious gaming group, we had this really long epic campaign going for over a year and when we eventually broke up it ruined the whole thing, so unfortunately I have been 'that guy' before.
Spock (2 years ago)
Never had any problem in this regard. There's an old saying that goes "Don't shit where you lay." My group is a complete separate universe than the one with my wife of 10 years. We find that having time away from each other doing relaxing things helps our relationship. We do play some tabletops together (Pandemic, Monopoly, Betrayal etc etc) with the kids, but my group is my group. Mind you, I used to game a fuck ton before I got married. Both tabletop and video games (old school EQ player here.) I'm just now starting to game a bit more that my kids are interested.
Kally Dalla Stella (2 years ago)
How to me a good GM when your SO is in the game? How to avoid that mean look? How to avoid that "we'll talk later"?
Chris Donovan (2 years ago)
+Chronus D. Greed If the SO can't handle "losing" in a game, don't play it with them.
TheDMGinfo (2 years ago)
If they don't like gaming return them for a full refund
Daniel Simonson (2 years ago)
+TheDMGinfo If they force you to choose between something you like and them, return them for a refund. My Girl isn't a gamer, but i don't have to feel bad about it. That is the difference
BoxANT (2 years ago)
On Wednesday nights (game night), I usually just stop responding to my name and only respond to my character's name around the house, usually gets the point across.
Josh Fyfe (2 years ago)
Interesting take, sorry that your friend cannot game as much; sex is a powerful tool in the relationship arsenal. I would not place White Wolf games into this category; there are plenty of ex drama students that want to play "sexy vampire" on a Saturday night. I have been to my fair share of these events that lasted until Sunday morning. I did not have the issue of dating and gaming because I took my hiatus from regimented game play during the quest for the other, and only after having a WELL established relationship did i come back to a more structured time frame. I will say though, the times that I did game, the best thing that I found was to pick a time slot that does not conflict with other activities: 8p Sunday was always a good time slot. I have had couples at my gaming table, and have not had the issue of "relationship problems" at the table, but have seen signs of what fights might be about: not listening, miss phrased words, mean spirit. I will take these issues and somehow tie it into the game; add a life lesson to why you slay the dragon.
Garwyn Maxwell (2 years ago)
I'm the DM for our group.  At the table currently: my girlfriend, my best friend, his brother and their girlfriends.  Our entire table is couples.
Maromania (2 years ago)
Here's my two cents- if your girl can't deal with your gaming, either you're doing way too much or you need to move on. if they can't respect you taking a couple hours out of your week to do something you love with your friends, frankly they aren't ready for a relationship. you are a person, a whole person, with your own desires and life. and if they can't take you hanging out with some other people for a few hours then they aren't really mature enough to see past thier own desires to respect yours, and mutual respect is key to a healthy relationship. of course, if all your time is taken by other things, you need to step back and think. there's only 7 days in a week, and you can only cram so much in there. when you get full, something's gonna have to go, or at least get scaled back. sometimes it's the hobby, which is sad, but if it's the least important thing for the time you put into it, so be it. now I've gotten my gf into the hobby because she loves hearing the hijinks, wallflowered a few sessions, and now that I've gotten her friend into it she has someone to calm her nerves. now as a DM your usual 'dont play favorites to characters/people you like better' thing is tested by your relationship. But the way I see it, look at the above argument. If they can't take you not playing favorites in a game, they're likely immature. Which can be ok, especially from younger gamers, but if they can't see/don't care that it's unfair to the others to play favorites in a GAME, you're going to have to deal with everyone being second fiddle for the remainder of the relationship. Really, I've found that as long as you have a healthy relationship everything goes smoothly. Now this isn't to say things aren't gong to have rough patches, but I've had fights with friends who played or even DMd games, and things go the same here. either you put it aside and keep playing, or one of you sits out a session while you work it out. The same applies here, who can COUNT the amount of times most of us have been ticked off at a gf or even just a friend and kept on trucking because you're in public doing other things, we can put this aside until later. Really, all the problems are just amplified/modified ones youj'd find in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Though I will say there is definitely something to be said about having hobbies you do by yourself. everyone needs little breaks to just be themself from time to time. TL;DR- if they're a good match they'll accept the hobby even if they don't understand. If you play with them they should understand why you can't pla favorites and should be able to put aside minor arguments for sake of the game.
Art Wood (2 years ago)
I think if gaming is really a part of your life as a hobby and your significant other isn't a gamer then you might have a problem because I've never heard of a couple in that situation not having problems. Also, if a couple games together don't let one of them run the game...lol I've had on several situations when the GM gives special attention to their other halves' characters (you all know what I mean). That said, I think you guys crushed the Nerd Dating Scene!
Ryan Friant (2 years ago)
Thanks Art! I sure have had my share of dating dilemmas while gaming! -Nerdarchist Ryan
Crazyscotsman (2 years ago)
The couple that games together stays together. :D
SangoProductions213 (2 years ago)
+Josh Campbell Until someone causes a TPK...or pulls out the Monopoly.
TimeAlter (2 years ago)
In the group i dm for i have established one major rule, never bring your girlfriend to dnd. The reason i established this rule is because my first gaming group, whom i still play with every other week, has nearly been torn apart twice by the dm adding in his girlfriend.... It just something that never ends well.
Pyrela (2 years ago)
+MoeKatana There's girlfriends who are there cause they are jealous of their boyfriends time so say they have an interest in gaming but really don't or their boyfriends convince them to come and play in the hopes they'll stop bitching at them about playing, or just have an idle curiosity about the game. Those don't work out too well most of the time(the first never really).  If they have a real interest and their boyfriend has gone over with them how the game works and the type of atmosphere that exists at your table beforehand then it should be fine. Unfortunately the former is probably more common than the latter.
Joe (2 years ago)
"I like gaming but I don't want to date one of you fucking nerds." Solid gold!!!
Gregory Floriolli (2 years ago)
You know, I'm gonna guess the kind of person who comes to this video by looking up "Dungeons and Dating" on Google is probably a whole different demographic than you guys are used to.
Garwyn Maxwell (2 years ago)
+Gregory Floriolli Nerds and BDSM people go hand in hand together. 90% of the nerds I know are BDSM or BDSM-adjacent.  And 90% of the BDSM people I know are nerds or nerd-adjacent. So probably not a completely different demographic, lol.
KirKanos08 (2 years ago)
Thankfully my gf is fully supportive of all my hobbies. The key is to not let your hobbies take up ALL of your time. Keep a schedule and stick to it. Personally, I've seen more groups fall apart from friends leaving than significant others. Maybe your group is comprised of people that you just met, but a few of them may be really close friends. One guy/gal doesn't like how you run the game and bails out. The next thing you know, other players start excusing themselves permanently out of respect for their friend.
clericofchaos1 (2 years ago)
I haven't had a steady girl in 2 years, sadly enough when you are an overweight nerd women do not exactly throw themselves at you.
Chris Donovan (2 years ago)
+clericofchaos1 That's just the way that the majority of people are, regardless of nerd status. You can lose the weight, or find a nice nerd woman who is just as overweight. You could also try being rich. ;) Also, you might try switching your alignment to lawful. That might help. Naughty librarians are Lawful Kinky.
Kioshi The Cat (2 years ago)
I've been trying to get a group together but school seems to restrict me to much, the people I want to get together with are in another city and I don't have my license yet, my significant other is one of those people and a good friend of both of ours is there too. My significant other is a good boyfriend and I hope I could be a good boyfriend and take all my dm stuff there I just need to get organized any tips?Love your guys' content. stay nerdy!
Mike Gould (2 years ago)
Wow. A lot of history on this topic. A lot of DRAMA in this topic too. None of which will be news to any gamer who's had a relationship with either a fellow gamer at their table or a non-gamer outside the table. I think we're all very familiar with that sort of thing. To be honest, this situation applies to any relationship either inside or orbiting a social group/setting, be it sports, other hobbies, and so on. I've been the guy with the girlfriend who games, the guy who had a break-up with a girl who games, the DM who ran a game where his girlfriend was involved,The guy who sat in a game where the DM had his girlfriend at the table, the guy who watched other relationships form and fall apart around a table, and the guy who's married to a girl who doesn't game. I've seen it all. The hardest thing to do is to be objective sometimes. It can be a real struggle when emotions are high. That being said, respect each other and everyone else "at the table" and leave your drama at home. If you can't, stay home and sort things out. It will be better for you both to resolve things and less awkwardness for everyone else at the table. And by all means, if you DO game together tand things are really positive, do something else together on occasion ON GAME NIGHT just to have time together. Just to break things up a little. It helps. Back when I was LARPing we had a saying for this. It was called "The Universal" (as in the "universal excuse to get out of something"). I can remember when I failed to show up at a Narrator meeting for a World of Darkness campaign and the Storyteller (their version of a DM) started giving me crap, and I said..."Um, Evan, I was with ____ last night and..." He threw up his hands and said "Universal, bro. It's all good." It also comes down to this: if the romantic interest doesn't like that you game, and that's a part of who you are...why do they like you? Both sides of a relationship should acept their partner for who they ARE, not who they WANT them to be. My wife literally goes into a coccoon state when gaming is brought up in conversation, but she accepts that I am a gamer and I enjoy it. The irony is that I met her because I gamed with her brother. Were I not in a D&D campaign back then, I never would have been to a particular party where she walked in and I vapor locked. We knew each other for 9 years before we became a couple, but once we became one, we went from dating to engaged in under a month. (There was no "getting to know you phase"...we knew each other for 9 years already). Note that we've been married for 15 years.
ZYR47 (2 years ago)
it is a little weird having your significant other IN a game too. Character interactions sometimes get awkward especially if your two characters wouldn't get along well, or if you seem to be favoring them over other players (which I don't, I try to throw out all meta-bs but it can accidentally happen) Off topic: what is the mecha on Ted's shirt?
Sam Evardson (2 years ago)
We are lucky because my lady and I got together nearly Four years ago and we got into D&D together about Three and a half years ago our love for the hobby has grown with our own. Today we sit at home after a week of work and she is planning the weekends game and our first session of Call of Cthulhu is being prepared for Halloween. We run two games for friends so we both get to play and DM and we also have just began a DM+1 game for the occasional work night games. For us it works a treat but I have heard of others who have been grounded by their partners from the hobby. Happy rolling guys.
Zugzwang MacCheck (2 years ago)
It's great to share common interests in a relationship, makes'em stronger I think. Sounds like a match made in an extra-planer dimension! Congrats :)

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